A second never go's by that you are not in my thoughts. Even in
the happy times I think of how much you enjoyed life, and spending time with
family. Your in my thoughts when I wake up until I go to sleep. Many times even
in my dreams. What I would give to talk to you again. It's been almost 2 months
and I don't think the pain will ever go away. I spend most of my time reminding
myself I will see you again. Reminding myself you are in the most glorious
place ever imagined and I will join you soon. That soon our family will all be
together again. I remind myself that what is important is to live for the Lord
and to guard all my precious memories of you. I love you baby to the moon and
back.
Well bub today has been another one of those days. I keep
thinking about how excited you were to get to be home for Christmas this year.
And how excited we all were for you to be home for Christmas this year. I keep
thinking about your pens I got you for Christmas and how excited I was to give
them to you but never got to. I set and think about all our long talks on the
phone or in person. All your goals and dreams you shared with me. How great it
felt that sometimes I thought you must have had me on speed dial, it was such a
wonderful feeling. I loved hearing about your day good or bad, and I miss that
so much. It seemed like no matter how little it was you would call me. Can't
say I always gave you the best advise but it was my best. And honestly it just
felt good to feel needed.. smile emoticon Thank you
baby for just being you!
My picture
frame. It reads
Remembering you is easy,
I do it every day,
But there's an ache
Within my heart
that will never go away.
Remembering you is easy,
I do it every day,
But there's an ache
Within my heart
that will never go away.
I wanted to
take a moment to apologize to anyone I may have offended lately. But in my
defense there is a few things I do not have any tolerance for. 1) a lier 2) a
theif. But the one thing that will truly set me off is someone who does either
to one of my kids. I have been called many things over the years for protecting
my boys and honestly they don't effect me. I can make a momma bear look like a
mouse when it comes to my boys. I have raised my boys to be respectful, honist,
caring, gentlemen.
With that being said, some may have heard the wrong things. So let me clear some stuff up. Dayton had talked to me many times about if something ever happened to him (not that I ever wanted to talk about it but that was just him) he had asked me to take care of some things. I truly believe he still is on many things, I truly believe he is putting things on my heart heavy for a reason. And not just me but a couple others too. There is a reason why rather you like it or not. Now, I will not allow any posts on his facebook that are not true. I do have that right rather you except it or not. And for the record I do have his phone and no it was not damaged not even a scratch. And the funny part is that kid never deleted anything, EVER! It's kinda funny but I really think once again there is a reason. It is MY JOB to make sure my son is protected. And if you don't like it I am very sorry, but here is the catch he is my son! If not already, once you become a parent you will completely understand.
So this is what is going to happen from now on, If I feel Dayton or God is leading me to delete a post on his wall I will. If you don't like that, I am sorry. Sometimes I may not even have a clue why but I will do it anyway. And if you have a problem with me please some to me not the social network. If you feel I am doing something wrong pray about it, ask God to change my heart, and if it is wrong in His eyes He will. And I will pray that God gives you peace with whatever it may be.
With that being said, some may have heard the wrong things. So let me clear some stuff up. Dayton had talked to me many times about if something ever happened to him (not that I ever wanted to talk about it but that was just him) he had asked me to take care of some things. I truly believe he still is on many things, I truly believe he is putting things on my heart heavy for a reason. And not just me but a couple others too. There is a reason why rather you like it or not. Now, I will not allow any posts on his facebook that are not true. I do have that right rather you except it or not. And for the record I do have his phone and no it was not damaged not even a scratch. And the funny part is that kid never deleted anything, EVER! It's kinda funny but I really think once again there is a reason. It is MY JOB to make sure my son is protected. And if you don't like it I am very sorry, but here is the catch he is my son! If not already, once you become a parent you will completely understand.
So this is what is going to happen from now on, If I feel Dayton or God is leading me to delete a post on his wall I will. If you don't like that, I am sorry. Sometimes I may not even have a clue why but I will do it anyway. And if you have a problem with me please some to me not the social network. If you feel I am doing something wrong pray about it, ask God to change my heart, and if it is wrong in His eyes He will. And I will pray that God gives you peace with whatever it may be.
To my dearest
mother,
I stood by your bed last night; I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying you found it hard to sleep.
I spoke to you softly as you brushed away a tear, and asked you not to weep
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."
I was close to you at morning, I watched you standing there.
I was with you at the shops today; your arms all loaded down.
I longed to take it from you, I wish I could do more, I long to only help you on your trip to town.
I was with you at my grave today; you tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you search for your key.
I gently put my hand on you; I smiled and said, "it's me."
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...
in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is now over... I smile and watch you give a yawn,
and say "good-night, God bless, I'll see you at dawn."
And when the time is right for you to cross great divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to me.
I stood by your bed last night; I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying you found it hard to sleep.
I spoke to you softly as you brushed away a tear, and asked you not to weep
"It's me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here."
I was close to you at morning, I watched you standing there.
I was with you at the shops today; your arms all loaded down.
I longed to take it from you, I wish I could do more, I long to only help you on your trip to town.
I was with you at my grave today; you tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you, that I'm not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you search for your key.
I gently put my hand on you; I smiled and said, "it's me."
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It's possible for me, to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, "I never went away."
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew...
in the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is now over... I smile and watch you give a yawn,
and say "good-night, God bless, I'll see you at dawn."
And when the time is right for you to cross great divide,
I'll rush across to greet you and we'll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out...then come home to me.
Two months ago I had that knock on my door that every parent
fears, that knock that has forever changed my life, that knock that knocked me
down so hard that I honestly never wanted to get back up. I not only lost my
son, but I lost one my best friends. Funny because I use to always say
"I'm not your friend, I'm your Mom" boy was I ever wrong on that one.
Life has thrown me a curve ball that came straight at me and hit me right
square in the heart. I can honestly say I have never hurt so bad for so long in
my life. Loosing Trevor Wayne was so hard, I remember it like it was yesterday.
Loosing Daddy broke my heart becuase he was Daddy, he was superman and superman
never dies. Loosing Momma killed me because she was my best friend, the one I
could go to no matter what, the one that I knew always had my back no matter
how stupid my mistakes were. But loosing you has by far put the biggest hole in
my heart, has hurt beyond explination. Has Distroyed so much of me. I am
forever greatful for the beautiful 21 years I had with you, to be your mommy,
momma, madre, mom, mother. I am thankful for every single second good or bad. I
am thankful for every single trip to the er (Lord knows there was plenty with
you), I am even thankful for ever single heartbreak, if you only knew how much
it broke my heart to see you sad, hurt, mad. I am thankful for everything. But
right now, today; I am sooo thankful for your brothers, because honestly if it
wasn't for them I would have probably thrown in the towel, given up, never
moved forward. You touched so many lives and honestly left many of them in
shambles. You were more than just a son, more than just a friend, more than
just a brother, more than just a soldier. Your drive was desired by many. Your
love was beyond normal. You loved more than most even know is possible. Your
hugs were magical. What I wouldn't give for just 1 more hug, 1 more "I
love you Momma". If I would have know that Friday night would have been my
last hug I would have never let go. You left way to early, and I will never
understand why. You had such a huge impact on everyone that met you. You proved
that anything is possible if you set your mind to it. You became a soldier ever
thought so many told you, you wouldn't make it. But you didn't just become a
soldier, you became an amazing soldier. You carried more pride in that uniform
that most could ever imagine. You excelled way beyond just a soldier. And it is
not just me that's life has changed by you leaving. But the whole world. I
really do hope you have seen how many people you truly did effect, that truly
did love you. To be quite frank most of these past 2 months, I have not wanted
to move on. I have been so lost, so crushed, so distroyed. And honestly the
only thing that has gotten me through this given me strength, hope, comfort,
peace, joy; has been our Father. Knowing you are with Him, has given me peace, knowing
He will never leave me & will be my strength when I am at my weakest,
knowing I will see you some day and be with you for ever and ever has given me
hope, knowing that you are happy and will never hurt again plus that we will
all live toghether has given me joy, and the arms of Jesus wrapped around me
holding me, loving me no matter my mistakes, wiping my tears, has given me
comfort. I truly breaks my heart to think of all the people who do not know
Jesus, who thinks "this" is all there is, who has to go through
things like this alone because they don't have Jesus to comfort them. I could
never imagine going through life in general thinking everything depends on me,
not knowing I have Him inside of me to give me the strength and power to do
anything and everything I need to do. Little long going through something so
tragic as this. I pray everyday for God to put someone in their path that can
show them the light. That can lead them to eternal life. I don't care who it is
just someone. No one should ever have to live life thinking there isn't
something better.
If loosing you does nothing else I pray it atleast makes everyone see that there is no guarantee of tomorrow, and tomorrow may be to late. That they need to make sure they are right with the Lord right now, right here, today! That they need to love everyone every second of everyday despite their faults, AND TELL THEM SO! How much each second of life is a gift, to never waste them, to make every single one of them count!
On this day Father hold each and every person that is hurting for whatever reason in your arms, comfort them and give them the peace that only You can give them.
If loosing you does nothing else I pray it atleast makes everyone see that there is no guarantee of tomorrow, and tomorrow may be to late. That they need to make sure they are right with the Lord right now, right here, today! That they need to love everyone every second of everyday despite their faults, AND TELL THEM SO! How much each second of life is a gift, to never waste them, to make every single one of them count!
On this day Father hold each and every person that is hurting for whatever reason in your arms, comfort them and give them the peace that only You can give them.
You know 2 months ago my heart shattered into billions of
pieces. I have been trying so hard to put it all back together only to discover
it will never go back because a big piece of it is now gone. Not lost, just put
away in a safety deposit box. Many miss you dearly because of the impact you
had on their life. I personally think mine can't even be defined as missing you,
it's way more, it beyond that. But tonight God sent me an angel. I know it was
truly His mercy because He hates to see us suffer. He sent me an angel if
wisdom. And even though I still have this awful pain from you being gone, for
the first time in 2 months I am at peace with it. Even though I know I have not
shed my last tear, I have peace. And once again you have made me so proud. I
love you forever.
Missing you just as much today as ever.
Melinda Lucas
What I would
give to see this smile again. I wish I could say it's getting easier; but I
trust God to carry me through. It has been so hard to get into the Christmas
spirit this year knowing this sweet smile won't be here. And even though this
has truly been the hardest struggle I have ever had to do, I believe with every
ounce of me that my God will turn this tragedy into a victory. He will turn the
bad into good. And even though my heart aches as much today as it did the day
you went home I know my Father will take away my pain, he will heal my heart.
And when I have times that seem very hard I am thankful to know God will carry
me. And as happy as I am to seen so many of Daytons fellow soldiers doing great
things, or getting ready to go home for the holidays it does make me very sad
because that should be you as well. It's so hard to move on without part of me.
People ask me all the time how I am doing. I usually say, I'm taking it day by
day. But in reality it's more of a second by second. There is tines that it's
takes all I have to smile or even function, but these are the times I am so
grateful for my Heavenly Father.
Well my little mini me lol. You are suspose to be home now for a
couple weeks and helping me wrap the Christmas presents for your brothers. Oh
how I miss getting to drive you nuts about what I got you for Christmas. You
sure wasn't very good at waiting. I miss so many things about you. Like the way
you always jumped right in to help me cook. You we're always my cooking
partner. And I miss the way you use to beg me to tell you what I got you. I
miss that big sweet smile. I miss your orneriness. Actually there isn't a thing
I don't miss. I love you my sweet angel. Give everyone hugs n kisses from me.
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