February 1, 2015 - American Sniper

Last night we went to see American Sniper. It was packed, sold out again. We waited in line for a good 20+ minutes to get into the theater and as we were slowly but surly walking in I stepped on a penny. It made me smile because of a simple little poem. (penny's from heaven) No rather or not if this poem is true or not we will really never know. Just the same as the many others like, when a baby smiles they are being kissed by an angel; or when you see a cardinal it represents a loved one who has passed, it mean they are visiting you; another great one is when you are thinking about them and one of their favorite songs comes on. This one happens by the way as we was leaving the movie theater. I was thinking about how much Dayton would have loved the movie and before we even got out of the parking lot the song "Drink a beer" came on the radio. And there are many more. We really don't know for sure if they are true and it really doesn't matter. All I know is that the thought of them warms my heart. I remember right after loosing Dayton a dear friend of mine posted this on my wall (cardinals picture). I found it almost breath taking because what she didn't know was every single day from the time of his death I seen at least 1 cardinal in my yard, right outside my bedroom window. The amazing part is that after my Momma had passed I had one visit me right outside my sliding glass door every morning as I was doing my bible study for over 6 months.
I mean really if you think about it, why not? God leaves us signs all the time right? Why wouldn't our loved ones be allowed to? God wants us to have peace and He most likely knows this is one way to give it to us. He made us into who we are, He made us to love deeply. So He knows we are going to morn, and be sad, and miss our loved ones when they pass. And He wants to comfort us.
Since loosing Dayton, I have found it very hard to have any peace, it has only been 114 days though so I know I have a long ways to go. I have however gotten better, I still think about him every second of every day, I still find myself thinking its all a really bad dream, that its not real, that it really didn't happen, that he is going to call any second. Its very heart breaking to say the least when he doesn't. I still feel this constant pain in my heart that I don't know will ever go away. This emptiness that I cant seem to get past.... But with the grace and mercy of my Father, and His strength in my weakness I will get past this and move on to whatever He wants me to do.